How to Look Like an American Tourist in Newcastle

I like to pretend that I blend in with the locals and the rest of the student population.  I mean, I've been here for nearly a month. I'm basically English now, right?  I even left my uggs, leggings, north face and American football apparel back at home! However, once I open my mouth or do something ridiculously American my secret is revealed. So if you ever need advice on how to look like an American tourist in Newcastle, I'm the person to ask. Here are some of the things in the past that blew my cover. Follow these guidelines, and you will be set!

• Look the wrong way when you cross the street. Despite most crosswalks even having signs that say "Look right" or "Look left", I still manage to get it wrong. This is just something I will never get used to.

 

• When you see a car with an empty passenger's seat (front left side), look concerned because you think no one is driving the car. Or maybe it's a ghost driver, which is even more concerning in my opinion.

 

• When someone asks you "Are you alright?", look confused and/or flustered. But don't worry, it's just a greeting! Unfortunately you don't realize that at first. You think it must look like something's wrong with you. Then eventually, you just stumble and say "Um yeah", appearing slightly rude in the process.
  

 

• Drink a significant amount of coffee instead of tea.

 

• Talk about how much you love Thanksgiving and football. But football isn't football, it's hand egg, silly!

 

• Ask what a Sunday Carvery is.

 

• Say the word arugula instead of rocket leaves, eggplant instead of aubergine or cilantro instead of coriander and prepare to be laughed at by your flatmates.

 

• Say roommates instead of flatmates, freshmen instead of freshers, and college instead of university.

 

• Perpetually mix up the meanings of crisps, chips and fries. Fries are thin chips! And crisps are American chips. Confused yet? 

 

• Don't ever mention your pants in public. You WILL embarrass yourself. They are TROUSERS. Okay? Okay.

 

• Wait, you're not allowed to hail cabs here?

 

• Why do you need a license for a television? You have Sky and not Optimum?

 

• Act surprised and grateful when you aren't carded to get into any place that may happen to sell alcohol. I'm almost twenty.

 

• Talk about how much you love Cider because it is a delicacy.

 

• Say that it is 50 degrees. You are using Fahrenheit. Confused looks ensue.

 

• Try to pay for something with your Bank of America card without a chip (not to be confused with the food). Be prepared to write your signature to match the signature on the back of your card.

 

• Talk about how you wake up each day so grateful that you're here. Rant to the point of being obnoxious about how you can't believe you're in England and how it seems like an amazing dream. Never get used to how beautiful it is here.